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Am I a Narcissist?

November 30, 2018

It has troubled me for some time that most of my content is about me. So am I a narcissist? The Merriam-Webster dictionary definition of a narcissist is a) an extremely self-centred person who has an exaggerated sense of self-importance or b) a person who is overly concerned with his or her physical appearance.

That didn’t help a whole lot because, while I am not a) I am most definitely b). That I attribute to my anorexic brain. But I primarily blog about myself because I don’t feel I have the right to speak for or about others in-depth. It is a matter of respect. So that leaves me with me. And “me” isn’t that interesting, especially now that I am no longer travelling. I know this because despite having almost 4000 subscribers I only receive feedback from one or two family members or friends. No, I’m not feeling sorry for myself. I, too, have subscribed to various online publications and blogs but rarely read them. It is the nature of the beast. Who has time for all of that?

Through the trees

I did manage a quick trip to Victoria, B.C. two weeks ago. It was grand to see my daughters, Bethany and Hannah, and their partners, Devon and Scott. We went for a drive to China Beach, just west of Sooke. There is just something about the ocean that enters a body and fills all the spaces with awe — no room for negativity.

China Beach
Scott and Hannah

The kids wandered around, wading in the waves, throwing rocks into the ocean and tossing the ball for a lovely pup out with his humans. I tried to throw stones into the sea as well, which prompted the fellas to coach me in the art of throwing. It didn’t help, but I feel like I could improve if I continue to practice!

Testing the waters
Cold feet!

Hannah and I went to see “A Star is Born.” All I can say is bring some kleenex; you will need it. Did you know that Bradley Cooper had his own dog, Charlie, cast in the film instead of using an animal service? And, for that, he received an inaugural award from the animal rights organization, PETA, which hopes this will set a precedent in Hollywood, instead of using services that may or may not treat their animals well.

Bethany and I wandered through a Christmas craft fair and market just down the street from where she and Devon are docked. (They live aboard their boat docked at an urban marina.)

Devon and Bethany’s backyard

While there we came upon a soap maker who doesn’t use palm oil in her products. I was thrilled and just had to buy some. Her business is called “Little Acre Soap” and is located in North Sannich, B.C. She also told us about a vegan cafe just newly opened in Victoria called “Fern Cafe and Bakery” that is 100% palm oil free! A few years back, when I was trying to educate people about palm oil and having my “Quinntessentially Vegan” menu palm oil free, I felt that folks weren’t that interested. I am so encouraged after discovering others who are taking a stand in their businesses by showing people being palm oil free can be done. What’s the deal about palm oil? Click here to read more or watch the following video.

Scott and Hannah treated me to dinner one evening, and Bethany and Devon took me for a canoe ride around the bay, where we spotted a few seals and some deer along the shore. All in all, it was a lovely visit. I even squeezed in a couple of naps.

Bethany and Hannah

Scott is co-founder and partner, with Josh White, of Ponos Apparel, a custom sock company that supplies various secondary and post-secondary institutions customized socks for their sports teams. He is currently exploring ways in which his business can make a positive environmental impact in the future of manufacturing.

The fab four

While I was away, I used the service “Park For U.” I dropped my car off at their location, was then driven to the airport, and then picked up in my car when I arrived back in Calgary. It cost a little over $50 for three days but would have cost $20 less if I would have driven my pick up driver back to the lot upon my return. I chose to pay the extra to get home quickly. I highly recommend this airport parking service if you need to leave your car at the airport while you are out of town. They offer other services as well, such as car detailing. The staff were amicable and helpful, and the service is affordable compared to some other airport parking services. And it would have cost me twice that if I had taken an Uber both ways.

On the Juan de Fuca Trail

I’m reading a book right now called “Daring Greatly” by Breneé Brown. One point that struck me was her observations on betrayal in a relationship. She mentioned the obvious one, adultery, but went on to expose the insidiousness of disengagement. What happens when one partner detaches him/herself from the other? It isn’t one act or event that you can put your finger on, it’s a continuous walking away, whether physically or mentally, that becomes the ultimate betrayal. The slow eroding of a connection. How well I can relate to that. Greg wasn’t an evil person; he just turned his back too many times until what was screaming at me was “He doesn’t care, I don’t matter.” I wonder why he married me?

I need to remind myself that I have done damage as well. My children could name a whole lot of things I have done wrong. Fortunately, they have forgiven me, or I think they have. Some of my children are more vocal than others. I hope they know they are loved. Life is nothing without loving and being loved.

I have my little charge one last time this weekend. He is staying overnight. I will miss his happy little face. I returned to the library to remind my past supervisor that I’m still looking for part-time employment. She told me she had contacted human resources, but they probably didn’t contact me because I wasn’t available for any of the positions they had. There was one opening, however, that she had been notified about that would work for me. Here’s hoping. My friend, Naomi, is a social worker and has been helping me out with the direction my life is taking as far as future job prospects go. I was beginning to doubt my decision to take the courses I’m taking. I couldn’t find any jobs that would require my certification and not a degree, but she did. So I’m a bit more hopeful that investing in education at this stage in my life will prove worthwhile.

Sundown on the Pacific

 

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